Fasting becomes required as a duty when a boy or a girl attains puberty. Prior to that, it is not obligatory. This applies to all Islamic duties of worship. This is considered the age when a person can fulfill regular duties, such as prayers and fasting, because his or her sense of responsibility is deemed to have reached a sufficient stage of maturity.

It is well known that we are recommended to train our children to pray when they become seven years old. A hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) directs us to tell our children to pray when they are seven and to use light corporal punishment for not praying when they are 10.

The question arises whether the same applies in the case of fasting. The question, then, is: Are children to be encouraged, or indeed ordered to fast before they attain the age of puberty when it becomes obligatory to them?

Generally speaking, the best answer to a question like this is that which is provided by an authentic hadith. In this respect, we have a hadith related by Al-Bukhari on the authority of one of the youngest lady companions of the Prophet, Al-Rubayie bint Mu’awwith.

“It’s better to leave your children self-sufficient than to leave them on the mercy of others.”

Today’s parents are struggling to balance the fine line of being best friends with their children while at the same time setting limits and enforcing rules. Due to the “therapization” of society, many parents today feel a deep sense of inadequacy in their role as parents and are unsure about the best way to raise their children. They understand the negative consequences of using physical punishment to deal with inappropriate behavior but are unsure about the best way to raise a well disciplined child while at the same time being emotionally close to their children. Some parents do not like how their own parents treated them growing up and want a different experience for their children. These parents recognize the old methods of parenting were too rigid and not in favor of building a close relationship with their children. Other parents have targeted specific issues from the way they were raised, like not feeling validated as children and how their voices were not heard, so they try and spare their children the same experience. They want a more meaningful connection with their children, they want disciplined and happy children who have a good sense of themselves, and want children who are well adjusted.

Young people are in the process of finding themselves, discovering who they really are. They feel vulnerable and each stage they go through passes so quickly. It is the job of the adult to be with them as they go through each stage, as a support, a source of guidance, and as a friend. Each phase of their growing-up years is in a permanent kind of transition—one phase seems to blend into the next and they don't sustain that phase for long. Therefore, it is a time of confusion. Eventually, stability will settle in, but it happens at different ages for different people. It is true to say that people change throughout their lives, but young people change continually.

As an example of this, we can see that the differences between a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old are significant, but later, the three year gap is not felt so much, like for example between a 30-year-old and a 33-year-old.

How many times have you told your children to change their clothes/brush their teeth/do their homework/or anything else for that matter?

For most of us, this is a normal part of our daily lives. We ask, and ask, and ask, and if we are lucky, our kids co-operate after the fourth request or after a loud but otherwise harmless scolding. We complain that our kids never listen to us; we ask other moms how they get their kids to behave, eat their vegetables, or go to sleep. We consult books and Internet sites at all hours on better childrearing and discipline and other parenting techniques. And still, our kids just don’t listen.

But, they do observe. While we are yelling at them, they are watching us; while we argue with our spouses, they are watching; while we mutter curses under our breath at raging drivers, they are watching; and while we chat with our friends on the phone, they are watching us. If you have toddlers, you are beginning to see this already. You see them carrying on animated conversations on their battery operated toy cell phones. They pace around the house with their heads cocked, their little shoulders straining to hold up the fake phone with the blinking lights. Yup, our kids are watching our every move, even when they don’t listen to one word.

Just as a child should be taught ritual acts of worship, he should also be taught good habits and etiquettes until they become second nature to him.

The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa salllam said: “The believers who have the most perfect faith are those who have the best manners.” [Abu Daawood]

Good manners are an acquired trait that must be adopted from a young age. Of such manners are the following:

Being respectful and dutiful to parents:

The first person from whom a child learns good manners is the father. If a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural for him to treat his parents respectfully.

Allah Says (what means): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age in your life, never say ‘uff’ (an expression of displeasure), nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” [Qur’an, 17:23,24]